


One Step at a Time

by Sulwen



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Glam RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-03
Updated: 2010-11-03
Packaged: 2017-10-13 01:14:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sulwen/pseuds/Sulwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy has a secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Step at a Time

Adam loves how much Tommy loves kissing. It's always been one of his favorite parts about being in a long-term relationship – how much time there is, once the desperate lust is gone, time to savor and enjoy, slow sweet kisses in the morning waking up and quick pecks before parting and deep open-mouthed kisses before bed that often turn into so much more. Not that he and Tommy are in a relationship – long-term or otherwise. He doesn't know quite _what_ they're in, only that it's intriguing and infuriating and probably the one thing that's keeping him from going totally insane on this tour, a perfect distraction from the grinding demands that fill every day.

They're all in Adam's suite, the whole group, drinking and dancing and laughing, and he loves this, too – everyone together and happy. It's easy, and largely drama-free, and he can relax and forget who's watching and just _enjoy._ He's sitting on the couch with Tommy, happily buzzing away on vodka and the performance tonight and the pretty way Tommy's hair falls over his face. Tommy glances up at him, as if he can feel the weight of Adam's gaze, and catches him staring.

Adam doesn't look away, just lets Tommy meet his eyes, and their gazes catch and hold, intense at first, shifting to playful when Tommy smiles and darts forward and gives Adam a tiny peck right on the lips, so quick that Adam doesn't even have time to kiss back. Adam feels a familiar rush of desire go through him and follows Tommy down, meeting his lips just as he settles back into place and kissing him a bit longer, lips fitting together just right, just for a second, soft pressure and heat and a bare hint of wetness. Then he pulls back, mouth open, closer to gasping than he'd like to admit.

Tommy licks his lips, slow, deliberate, like he's chasing Adam's taste, and Adam wonders for the millionth time if he knows how fucking sexy he is. Some days he thinks so, sees an almost imperceptible smirk on Tommy's lips and a sparkle in his eyes that make him seem like a teasing little minx. And then there are times like right now, when there's no artifice in his face, just moment-by-moment reaction to match Adam's own, breath quickened, eyes widened, pale skin taking on a rosy tint.

There's a frozen moment when neither of them moves. Then they're kissing again, and Adam doesn't know or care who started it, just loses himself in give and take and tongue, getting a hand on Tommy's chin, and then his hair, and then the back of his neck, folding a knee up under him so he can shift closer, get a better angle, and _fuck,_ this is Adam's favorite kind of kiss, the kind that pulls you in and consumes you and then throws you right into the next level, hard and aching, with swollen lips and no breath left in your body.

And Adam is totally ready to ride that wave, ready to start tearing at clothes and moving into new and potentially really awesome territory...until he remembers that, fuck, they're not even remotely alone, and his exhibitionist streak doesn't go _that_ far. He breaks away long enough to look around the room, wild-eyed, hardly able to think, trying to figure out how he's gonna get the others to leave without making it completely obvious that what he's really saying is _please go away so we can get naked._

To his surprise, the room is already almost empty. Only Sasha remains, dragging an inebriated and protesting LP behind her. She shoves him out of the room, then steps out herself, meeting Adam's eyes knowingly and giving him a playful little wave as she shuts the door. Adam shakes his head and laughs to himself. So much for subtle.

He turns back to Tommy, still _really_ fucking into where this seems to be going, and presses him back into the couch with a growl, going back to that really amazing deep kissing while he spreads his body out on top of Tommy's and gets comfortable, and oh yes, this he likes, this new and awesome sensation of having Tommy underneath him, long and slender and just right. And maybe Tommy's not kissing back quite as enthusiastically as he had before, but maybe that's just distraction, just getting used to the new position, because Adam sure as fuck can't think straight at the moment. He licks into Tommy's mouth, deep and hard like he's never quite had time for before, and that gets a decidedly better reaction out of Tommy, a low moan and a slight thrust up at the hips, and that rubs Adam exactly the right way, and he's thrusting back down, delicious friction, and yeah, this would totally be them humping on a sofa like two horny teenagers, and Adam doesn't even care because it's kind of a ridiculous level of hot.

When Tommy forces his mouth away from Adam's, turning his head to the side, Adam assumes he just needs a break, needs to breathe, and goes on kissing down his neck, hot skin under his hot mouth, not stilling the movement of his hips for a second. Slowly, a sound starts to invade his consciousness, Tommy's voice, yes, and saying his name...but it's not lust-fogged or wanting or desperate, not at all how Adam wants him to sound right now. Instead, it's insistent, high, almost panicky, like Tommy's _afraid,_ almost. And that thought snaps Adam right back to reality.

He sits up and backs off, focused on Tommy's face. "Tommy? What's wrong, baby? Are you ok?" he asks, concerned at the tension he sees there.

Tommy sits up and curls into the corner of the couch, which makes him look even smaller than usual. One hand goes to his mouth, the tip of his thumb worrying over and over his bottom lip in a nervous gesture Adam recognizes. He doesn't say anything, just kind of stares into space, and Adam can't believe how quickly this has gone wrong.

"If it's something I did...if you don't want me to...I mean, I thought that you wanted...but...." And god, Adam doesn't even know what to apologize for. Tommy had totally been into that just as much as he was, he'd swear it up and down. Adam loves to take control, but part of that is being able to read the other person, know how they're feeling and what they're wanting and when and where and how, and he's pretty damn good at it. And Tommy was _wanting_ that, every bit of it. And now Adam's just confused.

Tommy keeps his silence. Of course he does. Tommy's default response to most difficult situations is just to shut down and withdraw. It's something Adam doesn't really understand, doesn't quite know how to handle. So he just waits, and after a few moments he slides his hand over the cushions and offers it to Tommy, and Tommy grabs it and hangs on, his long thin fingers sliding perfectly between Adam's own.

"The thing is," Tommy says, and stops. Adam waits. Waits some more. Consults his memory to make sure that wasn't a complete sentence – nope. Squeezes Tommy's hand and tries to send him happy loving vibes.

"The thing is, I've never...." Tommy tries again, haltingly, but he trails off mid-sentence with a frustrated groan, yanking his hand out of Adam's and hiding his face in his palms, head dropping forward into a curtain of silky hair.

And Adam's done waiting. He has a feeling he knows what Tommy's trying so ineffectually to say, and he might as well just get it out in the open himself.

"You've never done this with a guy? Honey, I kind of figured. It's ok, really. I'm sure it's not _that_ different." And don't those words just taste like a lie, coming out of his mouth all syrupy-sweet?

But Tommy's shaking his head, face still hidden, and Adam's eyes widen. Oh. Huh. If it isn't a little bit of gay panic, he really isn't sure what's bothering Tommy so much, and so very much right _now._

"So...you _have_ done this with a guy?" Adam tries to keep the heat out of his voice at that thought, the sudden rush of faceless jealousy, but he doesn't quite succeed.

Tommy's fingers part into Vs, giving Adam a startling flash of big brown eyes, and he shakes his head. "No."

Adam looks into his eyes while he has the chance and says, "Tommy, whatever it is, it's ok. You know that, right?"

Tommy pauses just a moment before speaking through his hands, voice muffled. "You'll think I'm weird."

Adam laughs gently. "Baby, it's too late for that. I _know_ you're weird."

"Weird and pathetic."

"Tommy." Adam gives his voice a bit of an edge, a touch of the firmness he uses when he's working, the tone he uses to get people to really listen to him. "Just _say it._ I promise that no matter what it is, saying it will make you feel better than putting it off any longer. Believe me...I'm about as out as it gets now, but back in school...I'll never forget what it was like, keeping this huge secret about myself, not because I wanted to, but because I was afraid of what would happen if I told. And yeah, some shitty things did happen when I started to speak up. But none of it - _none of it_ \- was as bad as keeping silent."

Slowly, Tommy's hands drop from his face into his lap, and he looks up at Adam with a bit of a stunned expression on his face, hardly breathing. "Oh my god, Adam...when you put it like that...it's nothing, in comparison," he says, sounding contrite.

Adam smiles a little and takes Tommy's hand again. "It doesn't matter. It's clearly important to you, and that means it's important to me. Now. What is it you need to tell me? Don't think, just spit it out, just _say it."_

Tommy closes his eyes and lets the words fall from his lips. They're still slow, still broken, but they come, and that's what matters. "I've never had...never had sex with...with anyone. I'm sort of kind of a...virgin."

And oh _wow,_ that really is shocking. Adam's Broadway-trained and damn good at handling his responses, so he manages not to do anything completely stupid and insensitive, like his mouth falling open, or maybe saying _you're shitting me._ Instead, he scoots all the way over by Tommy and envelops him in a tight hug. He rests his head on Tommy's and talks into his hair.

"Oh honey, there's nothing wrong with that! Thank you for telling me, though. I know you might not feel better right now, but believe me, you will. Think you could talk about it a little?" Adam asks.

Tommy takes a deep, shuddering breath, and christ, Adam can feel him shaking in his arms. "Maybe a little," he answers, turning his head into Adam's chest and making no attempt to get out of the hug.

"Why? I mean, I know you're not religious...and you can be a little shy sometimes, granted, but you're pretty enough to have girls throwing themselves at you anyway. So...why?" Adam asks, wishing he could find a better way to phrase the question.

"I dunno...I guess I just never really _wanted_ to. I like kissing, and cuddling, and I can think about it all right when I'm _alone..._ but as soon as it came down to it, when I had a girl right there ready and waiting...I just...didn't want to. I know, that sounds so weird, it does, and don't even try to tell me it doesn't," Tommy says, suddenly defensive.

Adam breathes in the scent of Tommy's hair and speaks softly, gently. "Baby, it sounds _familiar._ It sounds like maybe you were just waiting for the right person." _Or gender,_ his brain helpfully adds, but this is _so_ not the right time to get into that discussion.

Adam gets his fingers under Tommy's chin and guides his face up to look at him. "So here's the real question. I'm here, with you right now, ready and waiting. Do you still want to...do you still want me?"

Tommy's eyes flutter closed, and his breath ghosts out over Adam's lips, and suddenly the moment feels weighty, important, like a crossroads, one there might not be any coming back from. The whole world seems frozen, waiting, hinged on Tommy's next words.

_"Yes."_

It's whispered on one shuddering breath, and Adam's heart skips a beat, and suddenly his whole body is aching for Tommy, for just the slightest contact, anything Tommy is willing to share with him. Something Tommy mentioned earlier suddenly stands out clear in his mind, and an idea hits him, and he knows as soon as he thinks of it that it's just right.

"You said that it was always ok when you were alone, right?" Adam asks, and Tommy nods, his brows knitting a bit in confusion. Adam just smiles and guides Tommy with his hands, sliding all the way back against the couch and getting Tommy settled in front on him, sitting in between his legs and leaning his back up against Adam's chest. It's perfect, so close, so much contact, but not intimidating, not a position that could easily get out of control. And Tommy must agree, because he relaxes into it, lets himself go limp and boneless against Adam, a good sign if there ever was one.

Adam whispers right into Tommy's ear. "We're gonna go real, real slow, baby, and this is the first step, and you just tell me any time you stop _wanting_. Now, want you to show me how you do it when you're alone and thinking about it. Pretend I'm not even here. What would you do?"

Tommy goes tense for a moment and starts to speak, describe, but Adam shushes him and puts a hand in his hair, stroking gently, calming.

"Don't tell me. Show me. Get yourself off for me."

And Tommy groans and moves so sweet against him, and then his hands are going to his jeans and undoing them, and one hand slips inside, and in this position Adam can't really see, but he can feel the change in Tommy's body, a new and different tension, and he can hear the slide of skin on skin, and he can sense how momentous this is, how important, and that's enough, _more_ than enough, knowing what he knows now about this strange wonderful boy in his arms.

He judges Tommy's pace by his breathing, by the shift of his hips, and when he starts to get close, Adam reaches around and puts one large hand on Tommy's thigh, just resting it there, waiting to judge Tommy's reaction. And it's perfect, Tommy gasping at the contact and speeding his strokes, and as slowly as he can make himself, Adam starts to move his hand up, following the inseam of Tommy's jeans, a delicate teasing touch that makes Tommy buck against him deliciously. Finally, finally, he reaches his goal, sliding his hand over Tommy's and stroking with him, not imposing, really, just letting himself be very known, very present, making himself part of it. And Tommy's voice breaks over Adam's name as he spills over both their hands, hot and wet and intimate, and Adam would never have believed that something so small, so tame, could mean so much.

They're going to have to move soon if they don't want things to get sticky, but Adam can't bring himself to do it just yet. He puts his other arm around Tommy's waist in a half-hug and holds him close, and whispers again into Tommy's ear.

"Good?"

Tommy's still catching his breath as he answers. "Oh my god, Adam, so good, so good...."

Adam's body is still thrumming with the memory of unfulfilled desire, but he ignores it, puts it to the back of his mind to be dealt with later. That's not important right now. Tommy is.

"Good," he says, and tightens his hold on Tommy's waist, and plants a kiss on the back of Tommy's head, already planning the next step in his head. "Because baby, this is gonna be so worth the wait."


End file.
